he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
