this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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