That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
