clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
