I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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