Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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