I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
