Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
