The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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