Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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