So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
