I want to make a zoo with you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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