I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
