garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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