he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
