??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
