I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
