Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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