mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
