i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
