Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
