everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
