That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
