That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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