The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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