she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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