Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
