On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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