Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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