Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
