when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
