I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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