get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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