separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
