Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
