What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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