I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
