she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
