U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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