I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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