All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I deserve this hangover.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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