It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think my mom watched the whole time
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
