whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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