Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
