shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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