I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
