i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
