we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
