i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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