his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
