Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
