Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
