He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize