I just cut my nipple shaving
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize