Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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