They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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