i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
