she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
