it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
