So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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