Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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