he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
