Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
