I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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