I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
