we have pet lesbian snakes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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