Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
