I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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