It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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